When someone is being annoying: is it a matter of their character or your preference?

A lot of my pet peeves have to do with making plans with people.

First: I hate it when people are inattentive to plan details. Ex: When I share all the information that needs to be shared–location, date, time, etc.–in a group chat or individual text, and people still ask me the day of, “Wait when, where, and also why?” DID YOU KNOW that you can scroll through texts? DID YOU KNOW that computers have Ctrl/Cmnd+F functions that take you to the exact info you need? That you can just use the few seconds of your time to figure something out instead of setting me off into a moment of internal rage as I spend MY few seconds doing your work for you?! FEW SECONDS THAT I COULD HAVE BEEN USING TO DO… SOMETHING ELSE?!

Second: I hate it when people are completely unresponsive to plan details. Ex: When after agreeing to plan something with me, a person just doesn’t respond to my simple questions, like, “When are you free?” It’s fine if once in a while people forget to respond, but it becomes annoying when I have to prod the same person for an answer… over and over again. Why do people do this?! I understand if they don’t know all the answers to my questions, that they don’t have this information on hand. It’s just…just… just take a second to tell me you’ll get back to me INSTEAD OF CONTINUALLY IGNORING ME FOR DAYS.

And third: I also hate it when people spontaneously do whatever they want and change the plan. Ex: When people invite others without confirming with the rest of the party first. I have a friend who constantly invites others to my planned events, before he asks me if that’s okay. As if my opinion even matters anymore once he asks my permission after the fact. What am I gonna do, be the bitch who says, “No, un-invite them now. Tell them that you fucked up and now they can’t come”? As tempting as it is, I don’t want to unnecessarily ban people from an event just because one person was being inconsiderate. Besides, I usually don’t mind more people coming. That’s not the point. I mind not being asked about it first.

Of course, no matter how much I exaggerate these grievances, these are all still pretty minor things. But it got me thinking: does my annoyance over people’s lacking ability to communicate about plans say something more about them or more about me?

A few weeks ago, I nearly lashed out at a friend for being what I considered a bad planner. Some heated words were exchanged, and at some point I told them that the ability to plan is a certain life skill that they’re supposed to learn and improve on. As I uttered these words, however, I started losing confidence in my own point. I started questioning my own maxim that I had just asserted. Is it really that important that everyone knows how to plan well? Or is it possible that I only consider myself good at planning because I’m someone who enjoys scheduling her life in a planner? Is planning really a life skill for everyone or just for people like me?

It’s a given fact that everyone’s different. We are all wired differently for different sets of skills. Maybe I should understand that not everyone is good at planning or is as obsessed with the details as I am. There are some people who prefer to play it safe by planning ahead, and there are others who were simply born spontaneous and prefer to do things on the fly. Maybe it’s wrong of me to judge other people just because they don’t work the same way I do. Maybe it’s hypocritical of me considering that I’m not exactly perfect all the time when it comes to planning. And maybe it is even authoritarian of me to get angry with those who are just different from me.

I do believe in standing up for myself and asserting my opinions when I feel inconvenienced. But maybe some things are just not worth getting so angry over.